Calm Authority - Why children thrive when adults set clear boundaries from a place of calm

One of the most powerful qualities a teacher or parent can develop is calmness. Not the quiet, passive kind, but a deep, grounded sense of peace, a calmness that radiates trust. Children feel safest with adults who are clear, consistent, and truly present. They don’t need us to do everything right, but they do need us to stay steady, even when things get a little stormy.

A key part of calmness is clarity. We don’t need to argue to be understood. A simple “no,” spoken with warmth and confidence, often says more than a long explanation or debate. In fact, children often test boundaries, and those boundaries can make the world feel more understandable. A child doesn’t need to worry about everything. As adults, we facilitate, we offer what a child needs from a place of warmth, calm, and clarity. We are the rock they can rely on.

Adults today often feel overwhelmed by the abundance of choices, from products to priorities. Children experience this too, sometimes even more intensely. Giving them complete freedom over every decision can become a burden they’re not yet ready to carry. It isn’t unkind to say, “This is what we’re going to do today.” In fact, it brings peace.

Boundaries aren’t walls that last forever; they’re like ladders children climb as they grow. As they get older, those boundaries should shift, allowing them to move higher up that ladder, developing the skills and confidence to make more of their own choices. But especially in the early years, clarity is truly a gift.

When we are calm and confident in our presence, we become someone children can build upon. And that reliability forms the foundation of genuine trust, the heart of all meaningful teaching and parenting.

As a primary school teacher, I see it as an art to remain calm in all situations. It’s something people often tell me as well, I radiate such calm that others feel grounded by it too. Sometimes colleagues tell me they feel more at ease after talking with me, or that my presence helps to soften the atmosphere in the classroom. I take that as a great compliment, because that calm didn’t come naturally. It’s something I’ve had to learn, step by step, by practicing letting go, breathing, and trusting that things will work out, even when they aren’t perfect. I carry that calm with me, and I use it every day in my work as both a teacher and a coach.

And that calmness, combined with structure, clarity, and a smile, might just be the reason that, wherever I go, I quickly feel a deep sense of trust from the children and colleagues around me.