Beyond the behavior

Sometimes you see a child do something we label as “disruptive.” A noise or joke at the wrong moment, suddenly getting angry, talking over others again and again. It appears to be attention-seeking, which often it is, but usually because the child simply doesn’t know how to ask for attention in a healthy way. In those moments, any attention, even negative attention, becomes better than none.

Behavior is rarely the real problem. It’s a signal. A child saying, “Something is going on. Do you see it?” But on days when the classroom buzzes and everything seems to happen at once, that signal becomes much harder to hear. Responses tend to stay on the surface, as if small fires are being extinguished without ever knowing where the smoke is coming from. We try to solve the symptoms, but we don’t take the space to look at what lies beneath.

Yet something very different happens when there is calm and space. With enough breathing room, the perspective shifts. A child is no longer seen as disruptive or difficult, but as someone trying to communicate something important. Behind a joke lies boredom, behind anger lies insecurity, and behind calling out loudly lies a longing to be seen.

Let’s focus less intensely on how we can “change” the child, and instead shift how we look at children. Less focus on control, more on meaning. Less reacting to behavior, more attention to the child behind it.

This doesn’t make the behavior disappear immediately, but it does change what becomes visible. And through that, everything begins to shift. Perhaps that is the true strength of education, being able to slow down just enough to look beyond the behavior, and to see the child who is hidden underneath.

But to do that, space is essential. Not only personal calm, but structural space within education itself. Time to look, to listen, to understand. Because without that space, behavior remains a problem to be solved. With that space, we give ourselves the chance to see not just the behavior, but the child behind it. And in the end, that is what education is truly about.